


A Tale of Two Sentences

by Aeolian



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Marvel 616
Genre: Crack, Gen, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 05:10:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2719886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeolian/pseuds/Aeolian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tale of Two Sentences

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There are non-graphic mentions of violence, felonies being committed and one swear word, I think.

Nate, Nate buddy, you've gotta help me out here: I'm being chased by mutant ninjas, and your bestest buddy in all the world needs your help because he (or I, or whatever, this is confusing), with the help of about twenty Big-Gulps of Mountainy Due, brainstormed all night and came up with the brilliant conclusion that this is not my fault: seriously, this time it's because of something Alex--you know, my clone who needs serious gene therapy, the poor bastard--won't own up to, slamming the door in my face when I tried to politely inquire, Cheetos crumbs dusting his chin like an industrial-orange neck beard, Bob whimpering and clutching his gushing leg wound next to me--Bob whom I bumped into while on the run from the mutant ninjas (who are neither teenagers nor turtles--I checked), heroically rescuing him from being stabbed by some crazy-eyed homeless dude (or during an important HYDRA mission, who knows?), or least before he got stabbed for the fourth time by said crazy person, and who should be somewhere around here (Bob, not the homeless dude, keep up), probably passed out in a bush two blocks ago--the wuss, but anyway, Bob and I are running from mutant ninjas who think I was involved in the theft of some vaguely Chinese-Japanese-dirty-knees _what-are-these_ based on some seriously erroneous DNA evidence that Alex must have left behind, despite my completely reasonable interpretive hand-signing to the mutant ninjas that it couldn't be me since I was languishing in Sing-Sing at the time, and seriously, I can't kill anyone since I'm currently out on parole for good behavior, which is where you, Nate, ol' buddy ol' pal, come in, and I know what you're going to say--you've got an equally terrifying Messiah of a daughter to raise and probably five mini-nations to rule, between saving the past, present and future again and dealing with whatever havoc the TO-virus is wreaking on your body (I still have that WD-40, just say the word) also again, on top of which you probably don't want to show your face because you're probably currently dead/faking death/a future self from a past timeline/your own alternate-universe self yet again, but we're on the run from completely batshit mutant ninjas, while also on the run from the law, because I lied, Nate, I'm not really out on parole, are you kidding, I broke out of jail, with a heavy conscience, I assure you, though with the contents of several guards' considerably lighter pockets (and in one case, their pants, geez these itch), and I need your help because we're buddies, buddies that always watch each other's backs, lifelong soul-bound buddies with each other's best interest at heart, hearts that beat to the same tune even though one is fleshy and normal and the other is made out of shiny space-age metallo-organic technobabble, so, Nathan Christopher Dayspring Askani'son Priscilla Robot Jesus, for the love of Bea Arthur, can I _please_ borrow your bathroom before I murder a ninja?

...Nate?

**Author's Note:**

> I am so, so sorry.
> 
> I am in the middle of a series of lectures on constructing sentences (more appropriately titled "A Series of Lectures on How to Make Your Sentences Longer"), and had to get one horrifically long sentence out of my system before I can actually absorb anything being said. I meant to delete it, reread it, cracked up and posted it here instead.


End file.
